I recently lost a family member to cancer. Some people might not think of us as family, because he was my ex-husband. But because we divorced collaboratively, we were able to remain family from the very beginning of the divorce process up until I held his hand on his deathbed. As hard as it has been watching my children lose their dad, it has also been reassuring knowing that our sons felt loved, nurtured, and cared for, by both of us. That is because we made the decision to be the best co parents we could be. Many years after the divorce, I am convinced that the collaborative divorce process laid the groundwork for that reality. It helped us identify when it was appropriate to put our personal needs aside, during the divorce process and beyond, to do what was best for our children. What’s more, remaining good friends and family, was one of our goals throughout the divorce and became one of the best benefits of Collaborative Divorce for us.

How does collaborative divorce help preserve relationships?
In collaborative divorce, you will be working with a team. The collaborative divorce team is made up of your attorney, your spouse’s attorney, one neutral financial professional (NFP) and one neutral mental health professional (NMHP). This team approach helps enhance the quality of decisions made during the divorce process, which in turn provide the best environment for preserving relationships within the family. Unlike litigation, a collaborative divorce allows the couple to explore solutions in a safe, confidential environment where they are each supported by their collaborative attorney, as well as the two neutrals assigned to the case. 

Divorce already takes an emotional, mental, and financial toll on the family. The current real estate market has added to that with increasing interest rates, declining house prices and diminishing values in certain asset accounts

Nationwide, there’s a shortage of available houses – especially at lower price points – compared to the number of would-be homebuyers. For a while, there was tons of talk of offers being made above asking, inspections being waived, no contingencies, bidding wars, and so on, but, as the Fed has raised interest rates, demand has cooled a bit.

Divorce is one of the most traumatic events in a person’s life. And it is a decision made by many people in our society. Despite the ever-present nature of it in our communities, there are still misconceptions that should be dispelled. Here are just a few:

Misconception #1: We’ve decided to divorce. We can do it ourselves using Internet forms.

Divorce is one of the most complicated, important events in a person’s life. Think about it. When most people marry, they take six months to a year to plan a wedding that will last one day (and spend a lot of money in the process). Now fast forward ten, or twenty, or thirty years. You have probably bought a house. You likely have retirement accounts. You may have investment accounts. Maybe you even have a successful small business. And for many couples, you have children. Uncoupling all of this is not a simple process. Did you know that the most commonly used printed version of the Texas Family Code is over 1,000 pages – of very small type? And that doesn’t even take into account the various other legal codes that may apply to your divorce. (I’ll spare you the list.) Allow me to leave you with this thought: If you broke your arm, would you watch online videos to learn how to set and cast it yourself, or would you seek the help of a trained professional?

In the post-information age in which we live, we can literally find an answer to any question within seconds at the touch of a button or a question to Alexa. However, finding accurate and relevant information can be much more challenging, especially when it comes to finding answers to frequently-asked questions about divorce. There is quite a bit of misinformation on the internet today about divorce laws in Texas. Here are three of the most common e-myths:

1. Texas is a “50/50” State.
While it is true that Texas is one of nine community-property States in the Union, Texas is not a 50/50 state. Fundamentally, community property is the property that a married couple accumulates over the course of the marriage, whereas separate property is either property that a person owned before marriage, acquired during the marriage by gift or inheritance, or compensation received for a personal injury. Upon divorce, the Texas court only has the power to divide community property, and that division does not have to be equal. The Texas Family Code only requires that a court divide the community estate of the parties upon divorce in a manner that the “court deems just and right, having due regard for the rights of each party and any children of the marriage.” Tex. Fam. Code Ann. §7.001. In practice, what that means is that the court is supposed to consider the unique facts and circumstances of the specific case before dividing the estate. Factors such as the comparative age, education, work experience, and health of the spouses should be considered. Additionally, the court looks at whether one spouse will bear the brunt of continuing to raise any minor children of the marriage, as well as any bad behavior of the spouses, when considering how to divide the estate. At the end of that evaluation, the court then divides the estate in a “just and right” manner in light of the totality of the specific circumstances brought to the court’s attention. Sometimes the result is 50/50, but just as often, the result differs from a strict 50/50.

Although many of us consider our pets to be family members, the Texas Family Code still considers them to be property, for the purposes of a divorce.  If your pet was acquired, adopted or purchased during the marriage, most likely the pet is community property. That means that a divorce court would have to decide who to “award” Fido or Fluffy to as part of a “just and right division” of the community estate. If the pet was previously owned by a spouse or given to a spouse as a gift, or inherited, then the pet is the separate property of that spouse.  A court cannot divide the separate property of either party.

 All of that being said, I have seen judges get very annoyed when parties are fighting over a pet. If the pet belongs to a child, the court could deem it to be the child’s property and not subject to division at all.  I’ve also seen a judge order that the pet travel with the child.  Particularly where children are involved, try to keep pet squabbles out of court and keep the best interest of the human child in mind.

Many couples who face divorce do so because they have been experiencing significant financial difficulties. These financial woes may be one among many factors, or perhaps the only factor, that has led to the breakdown of the marriage. These difficulties may be exacerbated by going from a dual-income household to a single-income household, perhaps due to job loss, illness, or another significant life change. When couples face these issues and decide to file for divorce, it is important to evaluate the assets, liabilities, income, and expenses of the marital estate to determine whether filing for bankruptcy can relieve one or both parties from debilitating post-divorce financial problems.

There are several factors that need to be considered when making this evaluation. First, one must assess the liquidity of the marital estate by determining whether the marital estate has a positive net value. One must also consider the nature of the spouses’ primary assets, what percentage of the assets can be easily liquidated, and whether there are sufficient liquid assets to meet at least three months of the parties’ ordinary monthly expenses.

The phrase “Co-parenting and Collaborative Law” has a nice ring to it. But how does the collaborative process facilitate co-parenting? Does the collaborative process actually facilitate co-parenting at all? Co-parenting after divorce is difficult for most couples. What can we do in the collaborative process to enable effective co-parenting?

When comparing the collaborative process to the litigation process, one can quickly realize the collaborative process offers more hope for successful co-parenting in the future.  The act of following through with the collaborative process rather than a couple seeking litigation to resolve their divorce, is the first step to encouraging co-parenting skills. Throughout the collaborative process successful tools for co-parenting can be provided. On the other hand, litigation usually harms the co-parenting relationship due to the adversarial nature of the process which lends itself to higher conflict.

There are some statements that therapists often hear from parents when they go through a traditional divorce. Instead of helping parents come together for the sake of their children, divorce frequently creates more disharmony and mistrust. The mental scars to the offspring cannot be overstated. Below are some of what therapists here.

“My ex is poisoning my kids towards me. She is feeding them lies!”

Now that the difficult decision has been made to divorce, the time has come to find the right attorney who will guide you through the challenges you are about to face. At a minimum, you need this person to have the knowledge and experience to advise you through this new and emotional time in your life. You want to find a person who exhibits the appropriate level of concern and respect for you, and your family, as you work your way through the decisions involved in getting a divorce and beginning the next phase of your life.

You will need to speak with two or three attorneys in order to get a feel for the various styles and personalities that family lawyers possess. You might ask family or friends for recommendations, but, unless they have been through similar circumstances, it is difficult to select an attorney based solely on someone else’s 2nd or 3rd hand impressions.

Children need to see their parents being supportive of each other, especially during a divorce. They need to see their parents having a united front – that they are still able to communicate with each other and make decisions for them that are in their best interest. Ultimately, children need to see that they are still both their parents even though they are getting a divorce.

The Children’s Bill of Rights was created many years ago. It is a Bill of Rights that helps parents remember that they are modeling behaviors for their children in ways that are in the best interest of their children. These are behaviors that their children will pick up on. Children as young as three and four are incredibly perceptive. They hear, they know, and they’re also highly influential. So, the question should always be in the back of your mind. What do I want for my children?